Home is where the heart is:- “My fairy tale ….My marriage …..My life…”
Woah woah woah …. time just flies… hello my dearies…. this is Prathibha Anjan …. you all must be knowing me as a home chef and a happy go lucky mother of two . There’s something more that I would like to share about myself .
Am a 33 year young girl …super energetic , a bit inquisitive ….full of life with a pinch of humour …and a power house of passion and zeal …
I truly believe in “Live and Let Live “….
This was completely the other way around when I was a young girl of 20 who passed out her graduation and was waiting to pursue her higher studies…
What you see me today is a complete transformation of what my past could barely look like. I was a very shy not so social and a homely girl .This was me all my life as a kid and teen.
Then there comes a day when I get an alliance from a known family friend … convincing us about the to be groom .. living abroad .. .. a scholar with masters degree n PG diplomas… with a perfect well to do family …. and an extremely eligible bachelor placed in a good company earning handsome…etc etc.
And back then about a decade ago .. it was a sheer blessing for a typical hindu family parents … to get such n alliance.
And then the fairy tale begun…
We were asked to share each other’s email ids and contact numbers …. he was abroad .. me in India .
The very first email that my Mr. Perfect wrote to me was introducing himself and being quite smart to gently put it across if I were to be involved with any relation? If this marriage was by my will and wish … and if I was happy about the alliance . The interactions never begun and it was at a stand still … the first thing that impressed me about him was he was pretty open, vocal and clear about his expectations as well he told me about himself… He was such a smarty who would not waste his time on something that would not yield to anything and that brought lot of confidence to me about his crisp and clear personality .I totally respected this attitude of his. So the point here is … when your parents offer you an alliance where you are to solely judge and take your decision … the decision with which you would be living through the rest of your life. How important is the role of a parent here ?
Be it an arranged or love marriage ….. a parent has to will fully and rightfully take in charge of assuring their children that what they do is only in the interest of their child. For their best … for their good. So no matter what our decision is … they will be always there to support you and with this confidence and the grace of almighty my parents liked the groom … we both gave a green signal and we got into our wedlock .. in the year 2006 .. a dream cum true relation … a new life that awaited with lot of dreams …. promises and achievements .
There were few family issues … as we know every relation comes with a pros n cons …..which am sure most of the girls face after marriage ….how ever it all subsided eventually and despite all the odds during our initial stages of married life…. we made it a good … happy go lucky 12 years of strong and successful relation 😇😇😇☺☺☺🙏🏻🙏🏻💕A bond of trust faith and togetherness 💕😍
What I would plead to our young minds here is , we must Have had a privileged life for last 20-25 years with our parents .. we must Have been our daddy’s princesses all way long …but the life after marriage is about a lot of adjustments… a lot of responsibility….faith . ..Trust …commitment .. n sacrifices if any …
It evolves you as a whole new person ….
Every single day after marriage has taught me something .. A Learning that I would have never got if I were to stay in an isolated nuclear family. We lived in a joint and trust me it’s not an easy task to keep each and every soul around you happy.
It takes a lot of courage…good temperament …. patience … wisdom … and most of all a good pedigree ☺☺☺☺
Nothing is as fancy and rosy as we dream and expect. It surely isn’t a cake walk .
Reality is harsh! So one has to mould and mend their ways to make their lives happy as well of the people living around. Lucky are those who are blessed with the best … but the ones who are not … have to go through a toiling phase … to make the best of your life even in odds is a skill … gifted skill….and this my friends is not an easy task . This is when your physical as well mental capabilities are put to a test …
So my only advice to all those newly wedded and to be brides is just take things at ease … do not jump to conclusions .. keep your temperament cool and trust me the only mantra that works in a relation is the giving up nature …. keep your selves at cool..
the moment you start arguing.. comparing & sulking …. you are making ur life miserable as well your spouses.
Just take time to react . Never come to a conclusion without having given it some time. Be it with your spouse or your inlaws or parents …. stay calm and then decide and conclude ….building a relation of trust faith and belongingness during your initial stages of marriage is quite crucial. So one has to be the most sensible during the inception …believe me it takes you a long way .. so trust each other & respect each other.
Voila here comes the most awaited turning point in my life… My first baby. Our bundle of joy who was coincidentally our first year anniversary gift…
Was born in year 2007 .we moved abroad & lived away from our families. They say distance brings you closer to your family and this is what exactly happened with us and then after 7 good years had my second baby in 2014.
Their arrival gave me a whole lot of sense of responsibility. I became more sensible…
liberal and independent. I was perfectly a complete women. They became my reason to wake up every morning .. do my household chores..see them off to school and wait for them to get back & spend quality time over our meals .
Isn’t it beautiful? they became my priority. I had started prioritising my things. It’s always my kids my husband & my family that became the most important. In fact the only important thing in my life . My small happy world revolves around them & so does there’s !!!
I never had a fairy tale life during the beginning of first few years of marriage. Though it is 200% a princesses diary now post kids.
Back then It was just a phase of adjustment, learning, and sacrifice.
However, I credit it for having taught me great values, to be more realistic, responsible and stay active & proactive when it came to family values.
I had been lucky all my life to have gotten the most wonderful souls in my life ….. they are the handpicked & limited editions of gods creation . And my life partner, My better half , my best friend is a gem of a soul. Unlike the typical orthodox married men , Who would prioritise their family first & next us…
He was, and is the soul reason for the transition in me. He has always stood by my side and motivated me. He inspired me to be a “BETTER ME ” both personally & professionally. He has made my life more meaningful. He is the only soul I could call is my pride & the reason to live and look forward to living many more years of happiness n togetherness ! He is the only one I look up to .. he is my role model , and that some one special who I cant think of a day with out . We speak out our hearts to each other without any second thoughts! There are no moments of ignorance ego or avoiding!
I have no regrets, no unsatisfactory feelings and no reason to crib about my past present or future. We are each other’s strength ,pride & confidence! We are there for each other at every stage to support and withhold and this bond is there for lifetime.
He respects my thoughts my feelings… my decisions and treat my parents as his own ! What else do One need !
It is said that when two soul mates find each other, there is an unspoken understanding of one another, that they feel unified and would lie with each other in unity and would know no greater joy than that and live happily ever after.
We’ve spent endless days of anger and dismay. We’ve spent endless nights of candlelight and whispers. We’ve grown apart, and we’ve fallen back together. Almost in a cycle. And in the process, we’ve grown up.
Now I know at every step of our lives together how the myths and magic are really, well, just myths. How matches really are not quite made in Heaven but right here, on earth. Now I know how a marriage needs to be, to match up to its demands and desires, to its fame, fortune and fate. It is not an easy happily ever after, ever.
I stil remember those magical days before & during our courtship …. the lovely chats over the emails & phones. But one has to eventually understand that situations change … and so has to your attitude !
“Personal space within a relationship is a complex combination of freedom and choice”
I had always been open about giving my spouse his space . Trust me there is a “Me”and ONLY a “Me time” for myself once a while.. Then why not him. There are things and situations I don’t try to intrude . I chose to give him that space to take ownership and live the life he wishes to and take his own decisions. Decisions that I promise to respect.This not only helps us build a relation of trust and faith ,it how ever clears the air in between.
One starts valuing you for your sensible nature. It’s all a game of give and take . What you sow .. so shall you reap .
So I wld say for any healthy relation, there should be a freedom of speech,freedom of give and take n freedom to do what they want to do.
No one can boss around. Then the whole point to build up a healthy relation is meaningless.
Like someone rightly said .. Marriage requires hard work
“Marriage is hard work”. Even the best of marriages require a lot of work — even though you’re married to your soulmate who has very few flaws. Building a life with a person other than yourself, and raising kids and dealing with all of the bumps and the bruises and the joys and the pains that go along with life, that creates the natural state of marriage, and it’s a challenge. I say that to people not to discourage them but to say that you will inevitably hit those bumps. Don’t view that as a shortcoming of yourself or your spouse or your marriage. Don’t give up on it. Just understand that you’re going along the path that everybody else goes on.
Secondly Keep the element of surprise
“My number-one rule for romance is surprise.
Trust me when I say this … the lil things like seeing him off to office n kids to school … a good morning hug and a good nite kiss plays a magic role … we even celebrate our monthly anniversary … even though I sometimes forget , hubby never does. He never fails to surprise me with a bunch of rose , a chocolate bar and a tight hug n a kiss.
Now that’s what I call is the stepping stone to a healthier relation . Keep your egos n mood swings away. Try and never give up on your role of going an extra mile to be nicer then your usual .
Pay attention to the little things … don’t be a dreamer … do not enforce your dreams on your spouses any curb his lifestyle…
always be a reason to praise your spouse … tell him he is a fighter.. he is a power house and that you totally trust his efficiency and that he is you soul faith .. many girls with higher expectations land up ruining their marriage expecting things beyond once capacity . Be realistic. Rather blaming your better half , try and be a reason to help him overcome d issues. The moment you support him , he is all their to go an extra mile to do anything for you.also you build a relation of respect , trust and happiness
I am blessed to have found my Prince Charming. It is solely one’s mindset to crib for what they have or to make the best of it .
Be each other’s strength, pride and a reason to smile .its a long journey and adjustment ,commitment and trust are the key to a successful marriage
Lastly , my personal experiences to a happy marriage , that I would love to share with you all :-
* Be honest and show sincere appreciation.��
* Understand each other.��
* Appreciate each other and never forget those beautiful days you spent together.��
* Love respect and make surprises.��
* Make quality time for each other.��
* Never hide something. You don’t want him to hide you with �
* Maintain a balance with other relationships.
* No social networking or trying to impress others will help you in any good. Rather reduce your FB and Watsap time and spend a more quality time with your family .��
* Not sure if I may sound right but how ever I chose to be practicle . Don’t tell him/her about past relationships. It is likely to upset them. Once you eventually are off such relationships it doesn’t not make sense to talk about it and give a reason to your spouse to always doubt you before trusting.
* Never forget the important days in your lives. How much ever busy at work and office you may be. Just remember the birthdays and anniversaries. Surprise your spouse with a little yet a happy n fun filled day . A simple home cooked food or some outing etc.��
* However after marriage , one has to Share everything…no secrets between you. Be open with your spouse. If you are feeling that something is not right or you disagree tell your spouse whatever you are feeling
* Last but not the least … as a women especially being an Indian one can not get away with entering the kitchen and trying her hands to cook some healthy and happy meals for her loved ones. Trust me it connects you ,it helps you gain recognition and also it brings you closer to your loved ones. They say rightly say a man’s heart is through his stomach . So keep your man happy n get the same back!
In a nutshell marriage is adjustment where it doesn’t feel like adjustment
☺😇 wish you all lovely ladies ….. a very happy women’s day.